Children in highly conflicted, divorced families can become immersed and polarized in their relationships with their parents. This can lead to a child refusing to have a relationship with a parent, such as refusing to see or talk to him or her. This refusal can sometimes become extended, lasting months to years.
Examples of overt alienation include but are not limited to the following:
· Telling the children negative things about the rejected parent;
· Telling the children that the divorce was the rejected parent’s fault;
· Telling the children that the rejected parent is a bad person;
· Telling the children that the rejected parent does not love them;
· Convincing the children that the rejected parent took an action which in fact was not an accurate representation (it may be a lie or a negative exaggeration and/or “spin” of past action); and
· Convincing the children that the rejected parent was responsible for something which, under review of the facts, was not the rejected parent’s fault nor responsibility.
Parents may also act in a way that impacts the parent–child bond, such as being insensitive and less empathic than is needed in a highly conflicted family. They may be more authoritarian in their parenting approach, leading the child to have an adverse emotional experience when they are together. A parent may be critical and demeaning toward the other parent, leading the child to defend the other parent. This describes acts of subtle alienation.
Contrary to the overt alienation, subtle alienation includes examples such as:
• The favored parent accepting the child’s refusal to spend time with the rejected parent;
• Failure by the favored parent to implement consequences for children refusing contact with the rejected parent;
• The favored parent’s attendance at events the favored parent knows the rejected parent will also be attending, thereby setting up a direct conflict for the child as to which parent to associate with; and
• Scheduling activities for the child which conflict with the rejected parent’s custodial time.
In such circumstances, it is best to request professional assistance to help facilitate parent-child reunification.
Remedies In Case of Alienation
A Step-Up Plan and Reunification Therapy is recommended in response to a child resisting contact with a parent. It addresses the needs of a family where traits of alienation, estrangement, and/or unhealthy alignment occur resulting in resistance to contact with one of the parents.
The Reunification Therapy focuses on nurturing the quality of parent-child relationship. The goals for Reunification Therapy include fostering healthy child adjustment and improving parent functioning and roles.
Most often, Reunification Therapy is court-ordered in response to dysfunctional loyalty issues and high conflict between the parents. A court may order a change of custody that will meet the standard requirement for “best interest of the child” under the New York Law.
A change of custody may be ordered where the custodial parent has attempted to alienate the child from the other parent, particularly where one parent was more likely to foster meaningful relationship between the child and the other parent. However, the court’s view that the father would foster a meaningful relationship between the child and the mother, while the mother would not do likewise, was insufficient, without more, to establish a sufficient change in circumstances to warrant modification of existing custody arrangement.
For the Court to grant a modification to a prior custody order that would be in the child’s best interests is determined upon the totality of the circumstances after considering each relevant factor, evidence that the custodial parent intentionally interfered with the noncustodial parent’s relationship with the child is so inconsistent with the best interests of the child as to, per se, raise a strong probability that the offending party is unfit to act as custodial parent.
Communication with attorneys about the phases of Reunification Therapy is important prior to the referral to a therapist.
Brewster Law will assist you in finding the most appropriate way to reunite with your child and continue to nurture your parent-child relationship.
We will create a Step-Up Plan that fits best your family needs and goals in reuniting with your child.
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Call BREWSTER LAW office for a Free Consultation and Evaluation of your case 855-910-5505 or visit our website to make an inquiry about your case valuation at www.brewsterlaw.us
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